


Hollow Heart

by xXNekoAngel172Xx



Category: Chlorine Grown Roses
Genre: Angst? Somewhat?, Funeral Chapter, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 02:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXNekoAngel172Xx/pseuds/xXNekoAngel172Xx
Summary: Azusa doesn't shed even a single tear in this fic. I felt that's important to point out.





	Hollow Heart

I stared out the window. Outside the sun shone with a warm intensity, lighting up the garden and making every last flower sparkle. Birds sang happy tunes, courting each other and praising the beautiful day. A kick in my stomach.

Wordlessly I turned around, back into the darkness that was my mansion. Only the lamp on my nightstand dimly lit my room. I went over to it and pretended to make the bed. I had already cleaned up everything, there was nothing left for me to do in my room, but something inside me didn't want to be done already.

A knock interrupted me. I silently motioned towards its source, the door, and I already knew who it was that stood behind it; that procrastinating in my room had to be over now. I opened up and as expected my maid Anzu stood there, her arm still lifted to knock. With glassy eyes she looked at me, and didn't move an inch until I gave her a weak nod. She reciprocated the gesture and wandered into the hallway.

This was probably the first time I've seen her not in her maid uniform. She always insisted on wearing proper working attire, even when my parents weren't home and she could have worn whatever she would have liked. I wasn't a snitch after all. And I sure would have had liked seeing my maids, the only kind of friends I really had, to wear something normal. Especially Belle, who was just my age; we could have been friends. But that uniform always made it painfully clear that they were just servants. Who would drop me any second.

I looked back into my room, glanced to my old computer, thinking of people that I talked casually to just a few weeks ago. Somehow everything felt different yet the same. Why did everything feel so usual still? Before contemplating anything further, I turned my back to it all and followed Anzu down the hallway.

Outside in the glistening sun, a limousine was patiently waiting for me. The chauffeur had a frown on his face and didn't pay much attention. Anzu opened the door for me and I took a seat inside. Anzu closed the door and took a seat next to the driver. A few seconds later he started the engine and we drove off.

As always I was sitting in the back of a limousine, alone. It felt like nothing had changed. Nothing. The flower fields, the trees, houses, cars, all passing by like usual. A day like any other. My stomach felt like turning upside-down. I would have favored just jumping out of the automobile and lay in the grass outside, taking in every gleaming ray of sun to hope it would wake me up from this bizarre reality.

But I had to be there today.

We arrived and this time my chauffeur snapped back and politely opened the door for me. Anzu took my hand and lead me into the building, passing the kind man who planned this whole endeavor in my stead. I was thankful to him and gave him a nod, he returned simply with a weak smile, whispering that he knew how hard this had to be for me. 

Inside, masses of people dressed in black were to be found. I recognized a few colleagues from my mother, visitors in our mansion that sometimes played with me or offered to have a very serious tea party, there were seamstresses I recognized from taking my measurements for beautiful clothes my father commissioned for me, a few close friends of my parents and one or another of my maids and butlers that had grown close to the family.

It all kind of blurred together, a veil of shadowy figures only told apart by the pale bleakness of featureless faces. If Anzu hadn't been holding my hand I would have found myself lost inside their darkness. Slips of their conversations and hollow voices reached my ears, yet I barely could understand what their words were; I could only hear the pity and worry in their tone.

Anzu let go of my hand and sat down. We had reached a bench in the front row, and I took after her and sat down as well. Slowly, the other benches and rows started to fill with the shadowy figures sitting down. The noise of sad chatter declined as seats were taken and as all sound tuned out, a priest elegantly waltzed in front of the podium, ready to become representative for everyone to say goodbye.

I wasn't able to listen to even a single word. Persons I recognized earlier also took to speaking out their mind and bidding farewell. I didn't feel a single thing. For some reason, I still expected my parents to stroll up and commemorate their friends for coming today, thanking everyone for the great time they had. But I knew that would never happen. And still, it felt like a possibility.

The priest commented something about letting the daughter say something, but Anzu decently gestured to him to change course. I firmly held onto Anzu's hand. 

My eyes wandered in front of me, trying to get a hold of something to occupy my thoughts. They were drawn towards the pretty wreathes neatly decorating the ambiance. Maybe that or they avoided the frames with photos that had been carefully picked to tug at your heartstrings. But with my last sight of them being what it had been...

Anzu motioned me to move. Everyone was standing up, she had pulled me onto my feet without me even noticing, and the priest with his flock of carriers was already on the move. We silently followed them. After us the friends and coworkers of my parents. Distant words scattered in the wind, but those slips of chatter passed by me without evoking anything inside me. For once, my head felt empty and free of thoughts; yet constrained to this path.

As we arrived at our destination, with the priest preparing for another speech and the familiar faces around me gathering to form a circle of observation. I leaned on Anzu, holding her hand a little tighter. My legs started being rather weak and I only felt the warmth of Anzu's body supporting my weight without a word. 

Before I knew it, the crowd had dispersed and it was already over. I looked up. Around me, hidden in corners were still single patches of people, discussing their sadness over the happenings. As they noticed me, all their faces were painted with pity and quickly turned around to avoid my eyes. I slowly found my balance and let go off Anzu's hand. I wandered off with my mind completely blank. 

Somehow, I didn't feel any emotion. And that made me sick. Sick of myself. I cherished this miserable feeling, even if it was only a response to myself, as long as I had some feeling to hold onto.

Afar, I saw a trembling mess with light blue hair shaking in a tree's shadow. Her familiar face recalled something inside of me. It was Belle. I didn't know she would also attend today, but something about her terrified face told me she hadn't actually witnessed anything that the priest and the guests had said.

Fear was in her eyes. Clattering knees. Her face desperately tried to hold back sniffs to no avail. I didn't understand why she was so worked up. I recalled her voice. How often she would be near tears, shrieking how sorry she was for even the smallest mistake she made. That same expression that she made now. Why? It's not like any of this was her fault.

She had disappeared as I exited my thoughts. I started to wonder if it actually had been her, or if my imagination was playing me a trick. Maybe I was yearning for normality again. Even though it felt like nothing had really changed. Mom and Dad weren't home. I barely saw my servants too, they knew how to take care of the house without me even noticing their presence.

I decided to go back to Anzu. I looked for her, but she wasn't sitting on the bench anymore. None of the guests commented on me approaching them, simply letting me pass through their stopped conversations to make my way. Their melancholic chatter picked up again as soon as I moved away from them.

I stared at the sun above. Not a single cloud had decided to pose in front of it. The heat still continued as if nothing had happened. I started to suspect that Anzu must have had seeked sanctuary in the shadows. And quickly I spotted her in the deep darkness of a small building. Somewhat relieved I took a few steps into her direction before I noticed something glistening on her face.

Tears were rolling down her face. Her muffled voice holding back her emotions only reached my ears now. 

I had never seen Anzu like that before.

I opened my mouth in an attempt to speak to her, but my throat felt dry. I had nothing. Nothing to tell her. Nothing to calm her down. She always did that for me, yet I'm standing here unable to do a thing.

Again.

I silently listened to her swallowed wails as I waited for the sky to finally pour down and mix her tears with the consolation that all of this really had happened, that I could stop feeling hallow inside and realize what I really needed to be feeling right now.

But the sun continued to gleam upon us and didn't bulge even a second for my parents' funeral.


End file.
